I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize