you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
