Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just invented taco cereal.
Houston, we have a squirter
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
