Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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