As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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