his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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