After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
