hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
