guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
