Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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