Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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