I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
