he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
