Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
