i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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