Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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