Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
