I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
