We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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