Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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