so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
