There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Less talking, more tequila
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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