i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
