It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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