I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
