Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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