Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
