he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
