8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he shaved USA in his pubs
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
