Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
