Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
