The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
