I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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