yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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