Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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