So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
