): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
