I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
