we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
