My friends, they love my intelligence
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
