Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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