I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I deserve this hangover.
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