boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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