you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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