The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he puts the penis in happiness.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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