I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
