Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
