You made me cry and you don't even care
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
