You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
