I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
