You can't motorboat a personality
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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