i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
