thus making me awesome and them whores
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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