just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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