Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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