Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
