So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
