I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
