I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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