I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
