Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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