After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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