do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
