Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
