His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
