Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
