You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
