Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You dont lie about slip and slides
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize