I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
