you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
