but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
