Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
