I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize