I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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