I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
