Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
