My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize