Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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