dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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