Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
