maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
