He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
