i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
