I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
