Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
