420 ftw
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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